It is only natural that we Zen Buddhists who are also parents would want to impart our faith to our children. But this, we usually find, is not easy to do.

Buddhism is not a mere philosophical system. In all its various forms, it is a religion of faith, knowledge and salvation. We know that it must be practiced with the kind of belief and dedication that comes from the exercise of free will and from personal conviction. In Buddhism, we cannot confirm our beliefs until we are mature enough to do so. 

What then can we do to prepare our children for a Buddhist future? 

First of all - and this is of the utmost importance - we must never try to force religion upon our children. We must introduce religious concepts in a manner that accords with childhood's receptivity. Here are some suggestions:

Especially for very young children, we should try to make Buddhism as entertaining as possible.... a plaything. A stuffed horse can be called "Kantaka", the Buddha's favorite horse. A stuffed monkey can be called "Hanuman" the monkey god who also figures in many "Monkey King" stories from India. An elephant can be the triumphant carrier of Prince Siddhartha as we saw in the movie, Little Buddha. We should lose no opportunity to identify animals with characters in Buddhist stories, in particular those which appear in the Jataka Tales.

But besides the Jataka, there are many other books written for children as fairy-tales that have moral messages. I know that in India and in most other Asian countries many books are written specifically for the young. I recall one in particular, Journey to the West, that relates many tales about the Monkey King. These entertaining tales can be read to children as bed-time stories. 

As our children grow, they are receptive to stories which illustrate Buddhist ethics or which relate anecdotes about the Buddha's life, for example, the story about the Buddha's fast which nearly ended his life and the kindness of the poor girl who gave him rice milk and saved him from starvation. We might also relate the Parable of the Poisoned Arrow or the story of Sunita, the "untouchable" outcaste, whom the Buddha embraced and accepted as a disciple.

We parents have to prepare the ground for growth and, so to speak, a future harvest. We can teach loving kindness by eating vegetarian food. I know that it is not always possible to maintain a vegetarian diet and that in many Buddhist Paths vegetarianism is not even required. But wherever we do follow a vegetarian diet we can strengthen our children's resolve to refrain from eating meat by expanding upon their natural love for animals. House pets are lovable. No one would want to kill and eat his cat or dog. It is this love for pets that can serve as a basis for teaching children to be non-violent towards all animals, and to always be protective towards innocent creatures. In addition to instilling morality we would benefit our children's future with a healthier diet.

At the earliest opportunity we can guide our children to avoid the Three Poisons of Greed, Anger and Lust.

Consider how some children are permitted to behave in candy stores or supermarkets. They cry and have angry temper tantrums when they are not given what they want. Clearly, their parents have failed to teach them the virtues of generosity and calmness. There is joy in giving and if we parents do nothing else we can demonstrate this virtue by our own attitudes. We can give to those in need and show by our own responses that making someone else happy is to make ourselves happy. We should always place emphasis upon giving rather than receiving. We need to approach holidays with more excitement placed upon making others happy... with making or buying gifts for others than on anticipating gifts that will be received. (Good luck with trying to make Grandmom understand this.)

We can also teach our children by our own examples not to get too attached to material objects. Objects provide limited convenience or amusement; seldom are they worth the cost in pride or acquisitiveness. Always we must emphasize that ultimately the things of value are not empty material things, but those things that have real value: personal integrity, thoughtfulness, and generosity. 

But just because we teach our children that material objects are devoid of lasting value and that they should not become emotionally attached to them does not mean that we may allow our children to be careless with their possessions. On the contrary, they should care for their things responsibly; and by our own example we can teach them to be respectful and careful with everyone else's property.

When a toy is outgrown, rather than let it be abused or cast aside, we should discuss with the child how a younger child who perhaps is not so fortunate would enjoy it, and how much nicer it would be to prolong the life of the once-loved toy by giving it to someone else who would cherish it. We should take the child with us when we donate it to a charitable organization to let him participate in the generous act.

As the children enter grade school we can let them participate in martial arts' training in programs that are specifically designed for children. These classes teach children to concentrate, follow instructions, take responsibility for their actions, respect their teachers and their fellow students, and to develop their inner powers, Nei Qi.

If there is no instructor in the neighborhood we can always purchase a good video tape. The value of this beneficial discipline cannot be underestimated. The training channels much energy that might otherwise be unleashed in negative ways.

Also, martial arts' instructors always teach their students to avoid physical encounters and to seek out peaceful solutions to confrontations. This establishes a response pattern and when the children get older and have their own opinions about people and things, they will not be so quick to condemn or criticize but will look for areas of agreement rather than opposition. The "Zen-thing" of having no opinions at all of good or evil can wait awhile, I think. Perhaps our children will develop into such enlightened beings, but meanwhile it is more important that they learn to become good citizens. We don't have to prepare them to become Bhikshus or Bodhisattvas.

Naturally, we cannot expect our children to refrain from celebrating those religious holidays which all their friends celebrate. Usually we find ourselves living in an area in which another religion dominates and in which holidays peculiar to that religion are observed. If that religion is, for example, Christianity, our children will of course become involved in Christmas or Easter events. Instead of objecting to this we should try to balance these occasions with Buddhist celebrations at home. We can make a point of preparing special feasts for the Buddha's birthday (April 8th); or his attainment of Enlightenment (December 8th); or his entrance into Nirvana (February 15th). These occasions are celebrated by Buddhists around the globe. There are also celebrations associated with Guan Yin that may be observed: Her birthday - the 19th day of the second lunar month of the Chinese lunar calendar; her Bodhisattva Vow - the 19th day of the sixth lunar month; her assumption of Bodhisattvahood - the 19th day of the ninth lunar month. 

As to teaching children meditation, I don't really see any need for such instruction until they reach puberty - that sad age when human beings lose their innocence and get lost in life. Let them learn that sitting in peaceful concentration is natural, a valued part of a daily routine. They will be prepared to receive this instruction if they have already observed us sitting in meditation and have seen for themselves our reverent attitudes. They will be curious and will want to imitate us; but if we hold off on meditation instruction just a bit, telling our children that they, too, may do this when they are older, they will look forward to the day that they can join us in our practice. We can enhance the "special quality" of our meditation periods with incense and serene music.

But we shouldn't get irritated with our children if they try to meditate but succeed only in jumping around and making noise. We can encourage them to become calm by offering them the incentive of one-day being able to join us grown-ups in the meditation hall. If this doesn't work, we can try again another time; but we shouldn't give up entirely. Children have the advantage of learning the Lotus posture, their muscles are supple and their joints loose. In years to come they will be grateful that they gained the ability to sit for long periods in Lotus while they were still young and the posture was easy to maintain.

Young people are very open-minded and spontaneous, so really, we are the ones who ought to learn from them. And we should never be disappointed if ultimately our children do not adhere to the Buddhist faith. We should be content if we have raised them to be kind and decent people. We more than anyone know that Buddhism is a non-missionary religion. No one can drag us or trick us into entering the Buddha's Refuge. To gain the great benefits of our religion, we have to make our own individual decision to seek out the Refuge and then to enter it by our own individual effort.

We can be lamps that guide our children out of darkness; but their morning will come and then they will find their own place in the sun.