Preparing for Death:
The Final Days of Death Row Inmate
Jaturun "Jay" Siripongs
An interview
with... Ajahn Pasanno
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"You've got to get rid of me . . . then you have to
let go of yourself."
Jaturun "Jay" Siripongs, a native of Thailand, was convicted in 1983 for
the murders of Garden Grove market owner Pakawan "Pat" Watta-naporn and
store clerk Quach Nguyen. While Siripongs admitted to involvement in the
robbery, he denied having committed the murders. Yet he refused to name
his accomplice and was convicted and sentenced to death.
Six
days before Jay Siripongs was to be executed, his friend, attorney Kendall
Goh contacted
Abhayagiri Monastery seeking a Buddhist spiritual advisor. Two
days later, Abhayagiri Co-abbot Ajahn Pasanno expeditiously received
security clearance to enter San Quentin Prison and spent three
extraordinary days with Jay Siripongs, the last three days of Siripongs
life. Jay Siripongs died by lethal injection on February 9, 1999.
There were many reports that Siripongs went through a remarkable spiritual
transformation while in prison. As a youth, Siripongs had taken temporary
Buddhist monastic ordination in Thailand, a common Thai cultural practice.
While in prison, he drew upon the meditation training he had received
during his ordination and practiced consistently. Guards and inmates alike
recognized that he lived his life at San Quentin peacefully. Several
guards supported the clemency appeal for Siripongs, some openly. Even
former San Quentin Warden Daniel B. Vasquez supported a plea for
commutation of Siripongs sentence to life imprisonment.
Kathryn Guta and
Dennis Crean spoke with Ajahn Pasanno in May 1999.
Fearless Mountain: How did you come to be called in as Jay Siripongs,
spiritual counselor?
Ajahn Pasanno: The first time Jay expected to be executed was November
17, 1998. At that time, he was accompanied by a Christian minister, a
woman who had attended several other executions at San Quentin. Although
Jay liked the minister very much and had known her for years, there was a
dynamic between them that increased his anxiety. In November, in the final
hours before his scheduled death, the two talked incessantly, and Jay was
distracted from composing his mind. Jay had had a clear sense of what he
needed to do in order to prepare for death, but he did not do it in
November. Then, at the last moment, a federal court granted a stay, and
Jay was not executed for another three months. He was very fortunate that
this first execution had been stayed. His situation and reactions became
clear to him. He wanted to make his death as peaceful as possible, and he
knew he had to do the inner work to make it so.
For
the second execution date, Jay was determined to go to his execution alone
so that he could try to be calm and collected in his last hours. His
friend Kendall Goh was concerned about his lack of spiritual support and
offered to find a Buddhist advisor. It was apparently not easy for Jay to
ask for a different spiritual advisor; he encountered difficulties both
from San Quentin and others, and he was cautious. I thought that his
caution was reasonable as clearly the last thing he needed at that stage
was some pious lecture from a monk. However, immediately after we met we
connected, and he was happy to have me there.
FM: How did
it feel to serve as a spiritual counselor to a condemned man?
AP: At first, I felt happy to help. Then I thought, I'm going into a
hell realm, and there was a certain amount of trepidation. There were
gates, chains, a metal detector and guards. Then there was a second metal
detector, guards to stamp my hand after I'd cleared it, then more gates
and guards. Yet there were also many conflicting images. I heard a guard
call children visitors by their names as if he knew them.
When
I saw Jay, he was not like others I have been with who are approaching
their deaths. Jay was young and healthy, in control of his faculties. He
was sharp, intelligent and talented. It was clear he had lived the last
years of his life skillfully. Although he was waist-chained, he remained
dignified. He was gracious and hugged his visitors. The whole situation
took on a surreal quality. Everything appeared normal, but at midnight on
Monday this human being would die, he would be executed.
FM: Was there any tension in the air considering that Jay would soon
be put to death?
_____________________________________________________
Taking Refuge, seeing the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha as enlightened
knowing,
truth and the embodiment of goodness. Jay was so happy that his friends
could hear Dhamma and that he could share this with them.
_____________________________________________________
AP: Not really. The atmosphere was relaxed and not gloomy.
Sometimes we got down to the nitty gritty of the mind. Other times we
joked and laughed. On the first day especially, Jay was a very gracious
host. Prior to my arrival he had set up a chair for me on one side of a
table and for his friends on the other side. He had instructed them very
strictly on how to behave in the presence of a monk, and he had planned to
offer a meal. He said it was the first time he had been able to feed a
monk in twenty years. In response to questions from his friends, I talked
about the Buddhist theory of awakening using the lotus flower metaphor. I
also talked quite a bit about the meaning of Taking Refuge, seeing the
Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha as enlightened knowing, truth and the embodiment
of goodness. Jay was so happy that his friends could hear Dhamma and that
he could share this with them.
Yet
I felt very concerned that Jay look after the quality of his own mind and
not let people distract him due to their own traumas about his imminent
death. Jay recognized the dynamic that was going on around him; he was
certainly not trying to maintain social contact because of agitation or
restlessness. Still, he realized that he had to take responsibility for
his own stability. Although he gave himself completely to his friends
during the visiting hours, he meditated many of the other hours of the day
beginning when he awoke at two or three oh clock in the morning.
During the days before his death, I pushed Jay into not becoming
distracted. He had a lot of visitors. I told him it's best not to get too
caught up with all these people. Kendall had told me when I first came
that Jay was doing fine, that it was the rest of them who were falling
apart. It was very obvious that Jay had touched the lives of many people,
and they gathered around him before his death. His sister, Triya, was
there. Some of his friends considered him their spiritual teacher. Many of
his friends were lawyers, other friends were born-again Christians. So
there were many different needs, and Jay, being kind-hearted and generous,
tried to fulfill them all.
Jaturun "Jay" Siripongs, Self-Portrait
FM: Is it true that Jay was also an accomplished artist?
AP: Yes. Jay showed me his portfolio. He had become skilled in many
different media and was obviously talented. He also gave away most of his
art (over 600 pieces) to acquaintances and friends over the years. Jay
used art to express his process of growing and changing. He often used
butterflies as a symbol of his metamorphosis. At some time during his
incarceration, he had realized that his life would end in prison. He
thought, I can't continue hating myself or others. During the last eight
years, Jay underwent a deep transformation and came to a real
understanding of himself. He told me that he had been in prison for a long
time and couldn't say it was a bad thing. He felt he had been able to grow
in prison in a way that would not have been possible had he not been in
such difficult and extreme circumstances. He learned to reflect deeply on
what would create well-being and clarity in his mind. The closer he got to
the execution, the more he learned about what would obstruct the mind from
growth and peace. He turned himself to the process of applying the mind to
truth.
FM: And this
included taking up Buddhist meditation?
AP: That's right. Jay had learned how to meditate when he was a monk
in Thailand many years earlier. While in the monastery, he had had a very
clear vision of light while meditating, but when he had tried to replicate
the experience, it didn't come back.
FM: That sounds like the common meditation experience of grasping
after what is pleasant.
AP: Yes. I teased him about that. Jay then reported that three weeks
earlier the light had come back. This was very encouraging to me. Since
Jay was a visual artist, I realized that he could use the vision of light
as an anchor at the moment of his death. I led him in guided meditations
centering on the breath and light. Since his breath would only be there
until the injection took effect, I told Jay that there would come a time
to let the breath go and focus instead on the image of light.
FM: How else were you able to help Jay with his inner work? Was he
afraid of death?
AP: The first night we talked on the phone, I had asked Jay, "What's
your mental state." "I'm at peace," he said. "I've accepted what will
happen. But I still have things I want to know." Growing up in Thailand,
Jay believed in rebirth. He joked that he wanted his ashes scattered in
the sea so that they might be eaten by fish and then the fish by humans.
In this way, he could quickly return to the human realm to continue his
work. He knew that human birth was the place where learning was possible,
a place to understand pain and joy, good and evil, right and wrong. Growth
and understanding were the results of choices one made. Jay had made some
very bad choices over the years, but he had also made some good ones. He
felt he had learned some real lessons in this lifetime and was determined
to stay on the path of Dhamma in the next life.
FM: Did you
ever to talk to Jay about those bad choices, about his crimes?
AP: No, I never talked to Jay specifically about the past. There was
not enough time. I focused instead on his spiritual well-being, on his
ability to face death with as composed a mind as possible. I was not
relating to him as a person convicted of a crime. I was relating to him as
a person facing death.
Poem from the journal of Jaturun "Jay" Siripongs
FM: What were
the last few hours with Jay like?
_____________________________________________________
On
Jay's November execution date he had been allowed a mala in his cell,
but before giving it to him, one of the guards had put it on the floor and
stepped on it. ______________________________________________________
AP: Six hours before an execution, the prisoner leaves his family and
friends behind and goes to a very cramped cell right next to the execution
chamber. Only his spiritual advisor can accompany him. There are six
guards, called the execution squad, in a very confined space, and people
like the prison psychiatrist and the warden also come in from time to
time. There can be a lot of intimidation from the guards right before the
execution. They might be carrying on loud conversations or be obnoxious in
other ways. They may be watching TV very loudly just three feet away from
the condemned man. On Jay's November execution date he had been allowed a
mala in his cell, but before giving it to him, one of the guards had put
it on the floor and stepped on it. After I was strip searched, I was taken
to one of these death row holding cells. There, Jay and I were separated
into two different cells connected only by a small corner. Right away I
did protective chanting as a way of cleaning out negative energy. "We'll
take the game away from them," I told Jay. We had planned for Jay to ask
for the Refuges and Precepts in Pali, but he mistakenly did the chant to
request a Dhamma talk instead. So I gave a short Dhamma talk to him and
the guards.
FM: What did
you talk about?
AP: I told the story of the Buddha, just after his enlightenment, not
wanting to teach, as he thought nobody would understand. I talked about
the nature of delusion of the human world and the liberation of the Dhamma.
I talked about the Four Noble Truths, about how letting go was not a
rejection of anything. I instructed Jay to pay attention to the arising of
consciousness. Rather than inclining the mind towards that which will
result in suffering and rebirth, I told Jay to move instead towards
relinquishment and focusing the mind. In terms of letting go or
relinquishment, we talked about forgiveness in the context of "not self."
If we haven't forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and
that is what is reborn. That is what suffers. I asked Jay, "Is there
anybody you have not forgiven yet?" I meant the system, his parents,
others. Jay thought about it. "I haven't forgiven myself completely," he
said softly at last. It was touching. He had a memory of being a person
who had been involved in something wrong in the past, yet now in the
present he was a different person. It was helpful for him to see that he
was not this memory of himself, to let go of the person in the past who
was involved in the crimes. It was also interesting to see that the guards
seemed intent on what I was saying, and throughout the evening they were
actually very solicitous and respectful of both of us.
FM: Was Jay
preoccupied with the numerous appeals to save his life that continued
during this time?
AP: Jay did not seem concerned or worried about justice. He did not
hold out great hope for the appeals to go through. When the final appeals
were turned down, it was not a big deal. "I'm accepting the fact that I'll
be executed," he said.
FM: What was Jay's state of mind as he got closer to the execution?
AP: At one point, Jay asked, "If I am not the body, not the feelings,
not the mind, then what is it that is liberated?" I told him that such a
question appearing then in his mind was simply doubt arising. When you let
go of everything and experience the peace and clarity inherent in that,
you don't have to put a name or identity on it. At another point Jay said,
"I have two people on my mind, . . . me and you." I said, "You've got to
get rid of me. I'm not going in there with you. And then you have to let
go of yourself." We really laughed about that. Basically, I helped prepare
Jay for the many distractions that might take place during the execution.
"People will be strapping you down; things will be happening around you,"
I warned. "You need to establish the mind without going to externals. Keep
your attention within." We spent the whole evening meditating, chanting
and talking Dhamma. So in the last hour Jay was very peaceful and able to
establish his mind firmly on his meditation object. Toward the end, we
took the time to do a ceremony of sharing merit and offering blessings,
even to the guards. After his final appeal had been turned down, Jay also
asked me to do some chanting for the lawyers involved in his case. He had
a quality of thoughtfulness right up until the end.
FM: Were you
present at the execution?
AP: No. That had been decided before I first visited Jay at San
Quentin. I believe that not having yet met me, Jay elected not to have me
there with him. When I read the papers the next day, though, they reported
that he lay very still during the execution and kept his eyes closed. I
found this heartening because I felt he was composing his mind.
FM: How did you feel after the execution?
AP: I was very grateful to have been there. It was very humbling. One
can't help but consider what any one of us would have done in a similar
circumstance - relating to our death not as something abstract, sometime
off in the future, but knowing that at precisely 12:01 a.m. we will
definitely die.
FM: Was there a funeral for Jay?
AP: There was a private cremation the day after Jay died. I met with
his sister, Triya, at the crematorium. Jay's body lay in a cardboard box.
Earlier, when Triya had asked to view his body, she had been told by the
funeral director that this was not possible. I wasn't aware of this, so I
asked the funeral director to lift the lid to the box. With some
hesitation, she lifted it. Jay was in a body bag. "There must be a
zipper," I said. The woman searched around and said the zipper was by his
feet. She hesitated again. She said that Jay would not be wearing any
clothes. "There must be a scissors around. It's just a plastic bag," I
said. The woman brought some scissors over and cut the bag open at the
shoulders and head. It was very powerful to view his body. He had the most
serene expression on his face. There was a brightness to his skin. He
wasn't dull or waxy. He had the tiniest bit of a smile. It was very good
to see he had died a peaceful death. After all that had happened, it was a
reassuring ending.
Ven.
Ajahn Pasanno... e-Mail... <pasanno@abhayagiri.org>
Ven. Ajahn Pasanno -- Ven. Pasanno Bhikkhu took ordination in Thailand in
1974, with Ven. Phra Khru Nanasirivatana as preceptor. During his first
year as a monk he was taken by his teacher to meet Ajahn Chah, with whom
he asked to be allowed to stay and train. One of the early residents of
Wat Pah Nanachat, Ven. Pasanno became its abbot in his seventh year.
During his incumbency Wat Pah Nanachat has developed considerably, both in
physical size and in reputation, and Ajahn Pasanno has become a very
well-known and highly respected monk and Dhamma teacher in Thailand. Ajahn
Pasanno moved to California on New Year's Eve of 1997 to share the
abbotship of Abhayagiri.
Abhayagiri -
newsletter - Pasanno
http://www.abhayagiri.org/v4n2/pasannov4n2.htm
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Source: http://www.urbandharma.org/kusala/dad.html
